Dear Mr. and Mrs. Moreno,
Y’ALL HAVE SURVIVED YEAR ONE! As this day has approached, I knew that I wanted to write to you; it was what to write that got to me. Is it appropriate for a single woman to give marriage “advice” (if you want to call it that) to her best friends? It’s probably not socially correct, but we all know I march to the beat of my own drum. I wanted to keep this fun and celebratory, but I also didn’t want you to think I didn’t have anything else to say about marriage. Your marriage.
So, my dearest friends, here is what I want you to know after your first year as a married couple:
When I think about you two, I see two imperfect people with hearts of gold who love each other, but sometimes lose sight of that. And that’s okay. Remember that you two are like running partners – constantly trying to stay in step with each other but sometimes one of you gets a sudden burst of energy and leaves the other behind. Other times one of you is trying to hold steady, but is so tired that you collapse out of fatigue, causing a sudden disruption to the pace of the other who now has to help you up. All of this is natural. While these things may be inconvenient, it’s those very times when you put your arms around each other and walk steadily together, that you are reminded that you two are in this together. Always continue to celebrate those moments when you are in sync, but do not fear the times when you’re not. Just keep pushing through, because this life you are building is a marathon, not a sprint.
I could tell you the same age-old advice like don’t go to bed angry and think before you speak because those things are easy to fail at. But I think the more important piece of advice that most people leave out is to keep showing up. The two of you may fail at these seemingly simple tasks, but what matters most is that you keep showing up to the marathon for each other. Being present is the easiest and hardest thing. In between trying to stay at the same pace and learning how to adjust, remember that this marriage is yours and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re doing it wrong. There’s beauty in imperfection and that’s how you learn more about each other while strengthening the bond.
I am positive you both have learned that marriage is more work than ever imagined. But, if you’re willing to put work into this as you both vowed and have proved, then the rewards will always be worth it in the end. Just keep showing up, keep being present, and take a few breaks from the marathon to walk with each other. It’s hard keeping up the same pace, but a small break can yield a great burst of energy for each of you.
I love you both very much! Congratulations on year one!