An Open Letter To The *New* Mrs. Moreno

DUDE! I can’t believe you’re married! Congrats on being the first between the two of us to get your shit together long enough to get someone to marry you.

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I can truly say that I’m beyond happy for you. Joseph is the perfect man for you. The fact that he turned your barbed wire heart into a big ball of mush says it all. We both had the same back and forth outlook on relationships but he earned your trust in every aspect possible.  I’m so glad that you found someone who participates in your craziness and embraces our craziness when we’re together.

Helping you get ready and taking shots with you before the ceremony was priceless; thank you for letting me share those moments with you. You were absolutely stunning and the look on Joseph’s face when he caught that first glimpse of you was soooooo heartwarming. (Not gonna lie, I did get teary.) I know that you truly love him by that look in your eyes. You get so lost when you look at him, just as he does with you. All I know is that if you can find someone to put up with your stubborn assso can I. 

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On that note, thank you for always reminding me to let my guard down a little bit. I guess happiness loves company just like misery does because ever since you’ve been with Joseph, you’ve tried countless times to set me up with someone. Maaaaybe I’m pushing them away but you know my history so it’s hard to trust someone…but hey! I’m trying!

Back to the marriage shenanigans….

I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors as husband and wife. (omg you have a HUSBAND!) I can’t wait to see what kind of future you continue to build on this new journey. I hope to see lots of custom made furniture and more Nutella monkey bread! I also hope Joseph continues to grow his patience with you during football season. I’ll be sure to steal you away during a few games so that he doesn’t pull his hair out.

I’m sad that I didn’t get to spend the whole night celebrating with y’all in Austin, but damn, corporate America is no joke! However, I appreciate you constantly communicating your ever-changing plans with me so that I could plan accordingly. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world!  I do have to say that my favorite moments include being framed for stealing Rev’s jacket, listening to your vows, and last but certainly not least: seeing you get all choked up as we got to the Capitol. And in case you needed a reminder of exactly how you overreacted looked….

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One final note: You’re welcome for being a pain in the ass and convincing you to stay in San Antonio. I know a lot was going on at the time that made you want to retreat to Corpus, but had it not been for moi,  none of this would have been possible. Okay, I may have given myself too much credit, but you catch my drift. 

I love you, Hooker! 

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